It Was The Best of Times and The Worst of Times...

Heather at OMSH'ville is having a chocoalte giveaway, and I should hold up a sign that says "Will Blog For Chocoalate!".
Heather asked us to blog about meeting our significant other aka our husbands. I did write quite a trilogy on this back in October. I don't think you want to read through all the gory details as it was one of those dark, yet bright times in my life, bad relationship, knight in shining armor saves the day kind of relationships. So I thought I'd make this post a little more bright and cheery with a few exerts from the original post.

When we last left off, life felt like a crap sandwich after taking a bite, for me. In the midst of it all, something unexpected and joy feeling came over me for no reason as I was entering my place of work the computer lab at the local college.



I brushed aside this feeling I had, as this wasn't allowed in my mental state of mind. I sat down at the computer with tunnel vision not even realizing or caring who I was sitting next to. The person next to me had the audacity to try and have a conversation with me. Doesn't this person know I don't want to be bothered? I kept thinking to myself. Yet he kept going. I'm not even sure I remember what we were talking about. Probably the normal what's your major blah blah stuff. I didn't really care and just wanted to show my politeness and end the conversation. Yet he never wanted to end it. Finally, as I began to get up, he asked if I would e-mail him. "You want me to e-mail you?" I asked him almost unsure that he was saying the right thing. I barely even knew this dude's name. "Yes that's what I said, just e-mail me," he said. "Uh sure." I said reluctantly. Some how he gave me his e-mail and I was gone from there probably assuming I'd never see this guy again.

This person was in the lab the next day and the day after and the day after. Somehow I had indeed decided to "e-mail" him. I'm not quite sure why.

C. was definitely a poor college student bachelor. I say bachelor as he was like it seems all the men in my life were, 7 years my junior. He fit the exact profile of some one I did NOT need right now, besides I was already messed up with Mr. Wrong. Yet some how he intrigued me. Maybe it was his persistence. He also must have seen something deep within me that I didn't, because I could not understand why he had such an interest in me from the get go. We e-mailed hundreds of times daily even though he was always there in the lab. He insisted we needed to go out sometime and always something else came up, like washing my hair or re lacing my shoes. I so did not want any kind date whatsoever. I was still thinking of ways to ditch Mr. Wrong, ways like joining the Air Force. The only way I thought I could get out, was to get out. I of course didn't explain my full situation with C. about Mr. Wrong, because I didn't have the energy for explaining things.
Mr Wrong and I were seeing less of each other at this time as I think he was in Europe for a cousin's wedding. It was like a blessing in disguise. I eventually gave in to C. to go out. We had talked and e-mailed for a good month and he seemed nothing like Mr. Wrong, for one thing cleaning the house as a part of the date, didn't appear to be a pre-requisite with C. When the time came that I did finally agree to go out, Mr Wrong was back in town and anxious to see me as well. I stressed all day at work on what I was going to do. I certainly didn't want to see Mr. Wrong, and didn't want to hurt C.'s feelings and tell him once again I had other plans. Yet some how Mr. Wrong persuaded me that I needed to see him. Both parties having no clue as to the other. Right before I was to get off work C. called and said he was having car trouble (which was the truth) and couldn't make it. He was so teed off, after so many attempts of trying to take me out, now it was his turn with an excuse. For some crazy reason, which I'm guessing it was the manipulation and comfort of the "norm" of the relationshiop with Mr Wrong, I was relieved. The pressure was off for me on this new person and I could focus back on what I was used to, regardless that it would be emotionally painful. I was somehow OK with that.

C. and I eventually went out on that first date and he did things that Mr. Wrong never said or did before ever. He actually held the car door open for me to get in, just the small simple things that I had never really thought about before. My eyes were suddenly opening for the first time as though waking from a really bad dream. He actually wanted to come inside my parents house to meet them. He actually stayed and visited and was in by no means in a hurry to leave unlike Mr. Wrong.

For our second date we went to my sisters high school play and afterward headed to our first date locale Sonic and we talked and drove around and just relishing in each other's company. C pulled over to the side of road in my little town and gave me this look of I am and will be kissing you now. You know the cartoons when they kiss and fireworks go off and they start floating off the ground and it's like nothing else on earth? Well that was certainly the kind of kiss we had. It was one of those kisses that according to C. sealed the deal that I was the one he was going to marry, as he'd never had a kiss like that in all his kissing girls lifetime,which was pretty much his whole life.

This year will mark our 10 year wedding anniversary and his kiss is still like fireworks to me.
Here's part 1, part 2, and part 3, if you'd like to read the rest of the story.

The Post I Didn't Want To Write Part 3

I'm sure your all just on the edge of your seats for the grand finale. If you are I apologize for the delay.

As we last left off I was under the impression that Mr. Wrong was gone gone forever and I was enjoying my bliss of C.

I was punching the key pad to enter C's apartment which just happened to be the same four digits as my parents phone number, and my ATM number. The cell phone rings and I answer, assuming it's C.
"Jeanie it's me, I need to talk to you."
My heart sunk to the floor, this did not sound like the Mr. Wrong I knew. He actually sounded remorseful and somewhat feeling. Yet I didn't really care, because I had bigger fish to fry like getting through the darn gate. After attempting every combination of numbers that involved my phone number, ATM number and the secret code number to launch nuclear missiles, I wasn't getting in.
"Can you hang on a minute, I'm trying to get into C's apartment?"
Instead of allowing him to respond, I just threw the phone in the seat next to me. I should have just haphazardly pressed end and changed my cell phone number forever, But I didn't. Miraculously someone came in behind me and let me in.

I picked up the phone and for the next 30 plus minutes, all I heard was, " I really do love you, and I want to marry you, and I've told my parents all about you and everything is hunky dory and I thought we had plans together, why do you think we were looking at houses, and so on so on."
Who is this person? I was thinking. What changed from our last little chit chat to now?
This was a time when cell time minutes were not cheap. You didn't have a unlimited call time plan. Yet he kept going on and on and all I kept thinking was what am I going to tell C. about this and dang it Mr. Wrong your running up my cell phone bill.
He was adamant about seeing me again, and that he had a ring. Ugh! I just let him keep talking and didn't really have anything to say. I do remember the only thing I kept saying was "why are you telling me all of this now? and "C. will be here any minute." He never really had an answer to either.
Some how I was able to get him off the phone and tried to figure out what I was going to tell C.
For some reason it took all I had to tell C. because I knew he would be furious and want to hunt Mr. Wrong down. C. knew it was all a manipulation game and declared if he wants to play these little games then I'll be more that willing to play along with him.
Hubs never went into specifics on what exactly he did, but mentioned that he made a call to Mr. Wrong's work and gave them a word or two and kept everything anonymous.
I saw Mr. Wrong one last time at the college library a few weeks later. He looked distraught and my heart almost ached for him. I almost approached him and him me but he saw in the distance that C. was not to far away and immediately turned around the other way and walked off. That was the last and final time I ever heard from Mr. Wrong again.

After just a few months of being with C. and the fireworks had settled C. would propose marriage to me 10-20 times a day and tell me how awesome I was and that he'd never met anyone like me. I was just so overly happy and free and had never felt anything so wonderful as C's true love. I would tell him someday we'd marry but not anytime soon. Which was a lie cause we married a little over a year right after meeting.

I was accepted into Rad. school and had 2 semesters left when I got preg. with Gameboy. It all happened so fast with marriage and then boom 3-4 months later I was pregnant.
I still have unsettling thoughts of Mr. Wrong and some scars yet to heal, but over all as I have always believed; things happen for a reason. I believe a higher power had a plan for me and even though it did require hurtful events to lead to something good, it was probably part of a beginning of many life lessons.

The Post I Didn't Want To Write Part 1

I really debated about doing this post or even making it into a mini series. It may be more revealing than I might be comfortable with for all the Internet to see, but I think it will help with closure for me on a personal level.

Birthday's were always a big deal in my family, mom dad always strived to give me the best to celebrate Mom and I's special day. Whether it was Showbiz Pizza aka Chuckie Cheese at 5, a brand new bike at 7, Putt Golf at 8, Big shopping trips at the mall with friends, birthdays were always a hit. At 18 the novelty of my birthday changed in a different way.

When I was 16-17, I became, which I thought good friends with a guy 7 plus years my junior. Normally this would be something frowned upon with a girl my age, plus the circumstances surrounding the way we became friends would be cause of alarm. My parents were good trustworthy people and faithful and trusted in me and those in my care. We saw each other regularly on Saturdays, the only time that he was off and I wasn't at school and working etc. He would drive up early in the morning and expect me to be completely ready and out the door by the time he pulled up the driveway. There would be no coming to the door to get me. I believed this to be completely understandable as he was making a 30 plus minute drive to get me and had lots of errands and what not to do. I seemed to always make excuses for him.

We would start off with whatever morning errands he needed to run, grocery store, pay bills or whatever and then we would get to his apartment and thoroughly clean it from the baseboards to the electric sockets everything would be clean. After all the chores were done we'd go for lunch, and then rent and watch movies for the rest of the day. All was really well and I didn't mind doing these things with him. We would do this same routine every Saturday.

Our "friendship" grew and soon and he told me he had really grown a fondness to me and wanted more. I was ok with this and somehow fell head over heels for him. In my naive mind an older man would probably treat me so much better than someone my age. I really felt he would take care of me. We agreed we'd go further on my 18th birthday. As the weeks came along I began to almost dread it, though we discussed it often. I should have known in my mind that this wasn't going to be right, and that this person really didn't love me and my body the way I thought he did or the way that I thought I loved him. My heart took over and shoved my mind out of the way.

After my 18th birthday I shut down. The sun wasn't as bright any more, the birds no longer seemed to sing and I became robotic, just going through the motions. We continued our Saturday visits, and I pretended things were ok and nothing had changed. I just assumed this was the way things were and that's how it was going to be. I continued to believe he did love me. Though those words were never spoken. I wasn't his pride and joy or anyone to bring home to momma. When his friends would call he'd make up an excuse to prevent them from stopping by. He was almost paranoid to the point that if he had any inclination that someone he knew would be coming over, he was on high alert and I was instructed to prepare to be "hidden away" in the bedroom. I was mentally led to believe that I really wasn't the brightest bulb in the light shop and I felt he was ashamed or embarrassed of me for whatever reason. He never out right said the words but did so in his own way. The whole age thing obviously was a problem. Yet I understood this craziness and accepted it as the norm.

Weeks went by and I continued my robotic state and closed completely up. I dug my hole, lied down in my coffin, shut the door and locked it shut. I was not going to let anything, or anyone in, or let them know anything was wrong. I simply just existed. We did our regular Saturday routine as normal and he decided it best we be just friends with benefits. I let this happen over and over for to long and felt somehow that it was ok to let this happen, I didn't care anymore. I was numb, more or less dead.

Then one day, which happened to be the first day of Spring Break, something inside me changed. I was off work that day at the computer lab, and decided I needed to go up anyway to check my e-mail. This was a time when the Internet was still the new fangled thing and there were only 4 computers in the lab with Internet accessibility at school. Just as I began to enter the lab a sense of something uplifting almost euphoric overwhelmed me. Something I had not felt in a very very long time. I shook it off as looking forward to the break ahead and walked on.

----To Be Continued...

I Love You Because...

I love you because... you make me feel so beautiful even when I don't feel quite so beautiful with kid snot on my shirt and doggie poo on my shoe.

I love you because...You can always find the most obscene thing to make me laugh when you know I'm really pissed off or just want to cry.

I love you because... You know my weird quirks and you some what understand my fears.

I love you because...You think outside of the box and have outlandish dreams and hopes that I would never think about and you think of those things for me.

I love you because...You really do put me and the boys number one and would do just about anything in the world for us.

I love you because...You make me feel safe no matter where we are and when the drunk boogey man comes knocking on our door at 2 am, I know I can wake you up to answer it.

I love you because...You have a special love hate relationship with my kitty cat and I think it's just so sweet.

I love you because...You force me to go out and have a good time with friends when normally I'd be content to stay home and veg.

I love you because...You'll drive 500 miles to a state your allergic to, and will tolerate people you feel you see to much already.

I love you because...Your you and your unique.

Happy 9th Anniversary Honey!

Blank Blog Bank

For once I'm blank on what to post so I'm bringing in an old post from another space. I can't disappoint my 2 reader audience a blog.
For the love of Wisdom
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Pets and Animals


Wisdom was a gorgeous brown eyed girl with the most beautiful red hair that you ever saw. C loved her more than anything in the world and she loved him just as much if not more. She would do anything in the world for C and he would do just about anything for her. Their relationship was one of loyalty and dedication to each other. Theirs was a lasting never ending love like no other.

I first met Wisdom after seeing C for about a month. She came into the room with an attitude about her that this was her place, with a look of question. Who are you, and what are you doing here? I knew then there was going to be competition between us, between the man we adored. I took it in stride I knew she knew him longer, but still I wanted him to be mine and I wasn't up for sharing.

Time went on and we began to tolerate each other. She could have him when I left his place. She was his for the night, but he was mine during the day. Soon C had to make a choice her or me. He chose us both. He wanted to share our love for him together. I knew it would be hard but I was willing to do this as long as there were some ground rules; she could not sleep in the bed with us. This was not understandable to her. This was her bed and if I wanted to sleep in it that was fine but she would have to sleep there to. We had our many battles and finally I won and gained the dominance of the household.

She began to grow on me and I began to love her almost as much as C loved me. I think she began to love me to. We shared many joys together raising her kids up and loving them to be out on their on. Then we brought home a new love and she took to him as if he were her own. We had many travels together the 4 of us, she enjoyed the many miles back and forth from Texas to Oklahoma. Just her me and our little young love on the open road. We kept each other company on those long hours. Sometimes she'd rest her head in my lap to just enjoy the ride.

After many years of bliss things started to change. She wasn't her young vivacious self anymore. Not as playful as she once was. She would try so hard to play the little games C liked to play, but something was just not quite right. There were other signs other than the tiredness, she seemed to almost misbehave in normal things she knew she would get in trouble for. Then there was some health signs that gave us clues as well. After several visits to the doctor it was discovered that our gorgeous red head had cancer. This devastated C as cancer was vicious monster that had already robbed him of his greatest love and friend, his father. C would do anything in the world it would take to make her better. Money was no object. We tried all kinds of experimental treatments and had a special catheter placed to help her. We both dedicated everything to her to show her that we were not going to give up on her and that we were going to make her better.

I think she knew that our plans weren't quite her plans. She tried effortlessly to have a positive attitude even after the many many visits to the doctor and over night stays at the hospital. She did her best to help us keep a smile on our face and to help keep her memory alive. She knew her time was near even if we tried to pretend she had eternity. C was gone a lot those last few weeks, he hated so much not being there but knew she was in good care by us. Finally upon his return home the doctors told us the unbearable news that the tumor was getting bigger and not shrinking at all and that her time was near. No one ever thinks that a decision such as ours should ever have to happen. Would you put down a loved one to ease their pain? Would this be something they would want? She couldn't tell us out right that this is what she wanted. We would never want the one we love to suffer so much pain. In the end C decided it was time. As painful as that decision was Im sure it was the right one. I left this moment for him and her as they were lovers first and had a love like no other. She left us peacefully but undoubtedly very scared. We know shes looking down on us watching all her kids, ours and hers. She would have many a tale to tell about us and our secrets that no one else would ever know.

We miss that red haired girl, those brown puppy dog eyes. That wet sloppy purple tongue that always stole our kisses. We miss how she would sit on the couch next to C and give me a look as if she'd done nothing wrong. C misses wrestling around with her on the floor and playing the games they used to play. She's always got a special place in our hearts that no other person or pet could ever replace and she's probably thinking what in the world got in to those people's minds to get 2 cats!

This is why to keep her little memory alive for me, my "handle" for anything that requires a user name is Wisdom in her memory. Thanks Wisdom for showing me a new and different kind of love I never had before. Though its been almost 3 years since you've departed it seems like only yesterday you were giving me those purple tongued kisses and playing in the water hose and bouncing up and around with the kids in their first snowfall. Thanks for all those sweet sweet memories. Thanks ol girl Thanks

Why I love my mom...

I have to many reasons to list why I love my mom but I will name off a few, cause this coming weekend isn't just about me but her to!

I love my mom because she would do anything in the world for me. If there was something I required on the moon, she would probably find a way to get it.

I love my mom because she still worries about me even at 29. She still has to check in every day and make sure everything is ok. She has to give me a call if I haven't called her to say were "OK" from our 500 mile trek from her house.I

I love that my mom and I have the same birthday. I think this why we are so close and think so much alike and worry so much alike.

I love my mom cause she is always more than thrilled to take my 3 wild boys for a week or two. If she could have them a month or so she would do it. She never complains if they drive her insane or by day 6 or 7 she's worn out and had enough. I can hear it in her voice or the fact when she's calling the day were leaving to see if we have left yet. She's so subtle that way. But I always know that shes saying PLEASE Im begging you come get these children as I have not slept in days.

I love the way my mom tries so hard to be technologically savy. She's got her e-mail buddies and messages me every day on AIM. I love her theories of why her very slow dial up connection is very slow other than the fact that its dial up and AOL. Her main theory was that since the OKC AOL call center had closed or that the lines were wet from all the rain.

I love the way my mom has such an awesome green thumb. I love the way that she loves to mow and pull weeds and grow all things so beautifully. I love that my oldest son is showing to have that passion to.

I love the way my mom could and can sew. She sewed two of my prom dresses which were quite beautiful besides the pink pepto bismal colored one in 9th grade. I dont blame her for the color. The dress was pretty just not the color. She also sewed two elf outfits for me and my best friend for a dance recital. She also sewed our indian dresses for campfire girls.

I love the way my mom could just comfort me when times were hard. Whether it was boy trouble, friend trouble or any kind of trouble somehow she always made things not quite as bad it could be.

I love the way my mom being a nurse could help those in need. Whether it was assisting with someone who had passed out in church or pulling over to assist someone in a motorcycle accident. I always felt safe knowing she could take care of me.

I most of all love the way my mom loves me.