I brushed aside this feeling I had, as this wasn't allowed in my mental state of mind. I sat down at the computer with tunnel vision not even realizing or caring who I was sitting next to. The person next to me had the audacity to try and have a conversation with me. Doesn't this person know I don't want to be bothered? I kept thinking to myself. Yet he kept going. I'm not even sure I remember what we were talking about. Probably the normal what's your major blah blah stuff. I didn't really care and just wanted to show my politeness and end the conversation. Yet he never wanted to end it. Finally as I began to get up he asked if I would e-mail him. "You want me to e-mail you?" I asked him almost unsure that he was saying the right thing. I barely even knew this dudes name. "Yes that's what I said, just e-mail me," he said. "Uh sure." I said reluctantly. Some how he gave me his e-mail and I was gone from there.
This person was in the lab the next day and the day after and the day after. Somehow I had indeed decided to "e-mail" him. I'm not quite sure why.
C. was definitely a poor college student bachelor. I say bachelor as he was like it seems all the men in my life were, 7 years my junior. He fit the exact profile of some one I did NOT need right now, besides I was already messed up with Mr. Wrong. Yet some how he intrigued me. Maybe it was his persistence. He also must have seen something deep within me that I didn't, because I could not understand why he had such an interest in me from the get go. We e-mailed hundreds of times daily even though he was always there in the lab. He insisted we needed to go out sometime and always something else came up, like washing my hair or re lacing my shoes. I so did not want any kind date whatsoever. I was still thinking of ways to ditch Mr. Wrong, ways like joining the Air Force. The only way I thought I could get out, was to get out. I of course didn't explain my full situation with C. about Mr. Wrong, because I didn't have the energy for explaining things.
Mr Wrong and I were seeing less of each other at this time as I think he was in Europe for a cousin's wedding. It was like a blessing in disguise. I eventually gave in to C. to go out. We had talked and e-mailed for a good month and he seemed nothing like Mr. Wrong, for one thing cleaning didn't appear to be a pre-requisite. When the time came that I did finally agree to go out, Mr Wrong was back in town and anxious to see me as well. I stressed all day at work on what I was going to do. I certainly didn't want to see Mr. Wrong, and didn't want to hurt C.'s feelings and tell him once again I had other plans. Yet some how Mr. Wrong persuaded me that I needed to see him. Both parties having no clue as to the other. Right before I was to get off work C. called and said he was having car trouble (which was the truth) and couldn't make it. He was so teed off, after so many attempts of trying to take me out, now it was his turn with an excuse. For some crazy reason, which I'm guessing it was the manipulation and comfort of the "norm" I was relieved. The pressure was off for me on this new person and I could focus back on what I was used to, regardless that it would be emotionally painful. I was somehow OK with that.
C. and I eventually went out and he did things that Mr. Wrong never said or did before ever. He actually held the car door open for me to get in, just the small simple things that I had never really thought about before. My eyes were suddenly opening for the first time as though waking from a really bad dream. He actually wanted to come inside my parents house to meet them. He actually stayed and visited and was in by no means in a hurry to leave. For our second date we went to my sisters high school play. This was certainly not something Mr. Wrong would do.
I finally emotionally broke down to C. and told him about how this Mr. Wrong person I know has treated me for so long, how having any kind of emotion with Mr. Wrong was not tolerated and the agonizing mental and somewhat physical abuse I with stood for almost a year. C. was practically livid and was ready for a beat down. I explained that I didn't want things to be handled this way and could take care of it. He some how knew better and was eager to meet Mr. Wrong's acquaintance. It just so happens that Mr. Wrong worked part time at the place I worked only in a different section. C. was eager to take a glimpse of this guy. I let him take a peek but never let him "confront" him.
One night C. happened to be at my parents like he was almost every other night. My parents literally spoiled C. by this time. I think they were just happy their daughter was home and that this dude actually had an interest to "see" them. They would buy the ice cream and milk of C's preference and whatever other food items he liked to eat. Mr Wrong decided to give me a call that night. Bad idea on his part or good depending on who's side you were on. I'm not sure how or who gave over custody of the phone but C. gave him a chewing you would not believe. I decided to shrink into the carpet, it was exhilarating and draining at the same time. He handed the phone to me and Mr. Wrong and I had a discussion. Well Mr. Wrong kept stating how important it was that he see me. He just needed to see me very soon and that it was very important. I told him repeatedly that no I didn't have really any reason to see him and if he was going to see me than most likely C. was going to accompany me. He was diligent about this and somehow I eased his mind and said maybe soon but I didn't know when.
After a few weeks of sure bliss with C. and hearing nothing again from Mr. Wrong. I was assured I was in the clear. All was well with the world things were really coming up roses. The person I believed I was, was not the person C. saw in me. At this particular time I had applied for X-ray school for the heck of it. I had no confidence that I would be accepted, even though it wasn't like law school, but I just had my doubts I would not get in. C. insisted that yes indeed he didn't see any reason why I wouldn't get in. I never had anybody believe in me the way C. believed in me.
I happened to be arriving at C's apartment one day and C. was in class or something at the time and was going to meet me there later. As I was trying to punch the code to get in, my cell rings. I assumed at the time it was C. and since I didn't have caller Id at the time assumptions were genuinely wrong.
To Be Continued...
1 comment:
I'm anxious to hear more.
I bet I know who was on the phone..
(I love your new 'do, by the way!)
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