Babies On The Brain

I know what your thinking on that title. Let's not put the cart before the horse.

It seems like everyone I know is pregnant. Real life friends, Cyber friends,just to name a few. It never fails when there's all this talk of babies going on, one starts to get the itch. The preggie girls must emmit some kind of hormone on us non preggie girls. Yeah I'm sure that's it.

I will admit I've had babies on the brain for awhile. I just didn't want to admit it because it will take a miracle of biblical proportions for me to get preggers. Not saying it could happen, because Lord knows we never ever had to actually really try before. God himself is a miracle worker so if he intended for me to have another little human than he definitely would have big plans for it.

Since my tubes are tied and the chances are slim to none, I try really hard not to even think about it much less, blog about it. I tell myself that it would be completely selfish to want another; when I'm blessed with 3 and there's so many women out there that can't even have one. I'm sure we've all had that guilt trip conversation in our head. Than there's the selfish me that says I NEED a girl and if I don't have her than my life is totally incomplete.

Hubs and I had the baby conversation last night. I'm not sure what brought it up. I'm thinking he'd like another though. He was teasing me that I must be prego, since I've been hormonal and ever so sleepy here lately. He even started rattling off baby names. Thanks hon, that does not help with the psyche.
After we went to bed I started thinking. Scary I know. First of all I'm always on time..if you know what I mean. Like an annoying relative it shows up on time or even early and hangs out way past it's welcome. It's so on time that I don't even calc the days of when it comes becomes most of the time it's there before I start even thinking about when was the last visit. Now suddenly I've had to think. I'm at a blank. I think I still have a few days to go though. Yet I'm totally guessing.

I was thinking about my non productivity post and how really tired I was. Yesterday I was fine and actually got a lot done. So I'm shaking my head on that one.

The "girls" were sorta tender last night but I really think that is from to much thinking. That psyche thing.

If in fact I am prego you guys will be one of the first to know. The thing is though I will probably wait til things are kosher first. There's a few risks involved when dealing with a pregnancy with a tubal. An eptopic pregancy would not fair to well.
Then there's the whole 4th c section thing. I'm sure any OBGYN would frown in my general direction with my history.

We'll just wait and see. I'm really trying to tell myself that I'm not because I hate to build myself up for something I know is next to impossible.