Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Adjusting

I've been adjusting to the SAHM life for a little over a month now. Adjusting is the key word.
I've done the SAHM thing before when my older boys were just babies. Things were way different then like say feeding, diapering, caring for a toddler and a preemie. There was little down time and little time to feel guilt or inadequacy. I just did what I had to do and did it. Also during that time the Internet was not something I thought to use as a method of support or knowledge. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it, I just didn't.

Now things are a little different. I'm not caring for a baby or either really a toddler, but a rambunctious little boy who likes to fill his day by playing bad guys and swords.
I have days where I feel I need to "prove my SAHM worthiness". I feel I must have the house clean and dinner ready when hubs gets home, along with making sure any errands hubs needs done is done. I feel have to have all of the laundry done, the house vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned and just whatever else needs done, all done in one day. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not June Cleaver and that the world is not going to come to a crashing end because there's toothpaste in the sink and laundry still waiting to put away.
I then have my days where doing nothing sounds mighty fine and that I can just do whatever the next day. I do not want to get in this habit.
This has been a constant struggle on my mind. Keeping the balance of not working myself to death but also to do find the time to relax and just chill with my little bad guy playmate. Guilt be damned.
Normally when I was working things of this nature were no big deal, after all I had worked all day. I know it's all to show that I don't really sit here all day and blog...at least I have to convince myself that I don't.

The preschool thing is also part of my guilt filled inadequacy. A lot of people would probably say he needs to be in preschool since he will be starting kindergarten next year. No ones actually said this of course, it's just in my mind. I have my gung ho days where we are just rocking along. He's being cooperative and doing his exercises and activities. Then other days like today, making a pumpkin face mask is just not on his top list of things to do today.
I have my fears that maybe doing this at home thing will make him more behind or possibly, gasp.. expecting him to do to much. I can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I tell myself that I'm jumping into these emotions way to soon. A lot has happened since that last day of paid work. I need to adjust into my new "job" with a planned attack and not feel that I have to prove anything to anyone including myself. There's plenty of time to adjust and readjust accordingly.

2 comments:

Krista said...

Hang in there Momma! Give yourself some time to get used to this major life change. And don't think that being home with your little guy isn't a full time job and you should really have your house spick and span. I *try* to limit my time on the computer to nap time and after bed time and I still don't seem to get that much done around the house.
and I'm sure that he will be fine with you at home. He won't be behind, that's for sure! ;)

mysecondjournal said...

I wanna just SAH some times..and read, nap and maybe do some laundry. For a month or so..then I'll go back to work.

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