Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Guilt Monster

I hate the Guilt Monster its just the worst kind of monster ever-maybe not the worst but certainly it's not great. I hate what leads up to the feeling of guilt and the after effects of why your feeling the guilt. The Guilt Monster is not my friend.
I sometimes feel like the laziest person, the laziest mom, sometimes the laziest wife.
I have no real excuse for my laziness either..which of course feeds the Guilt Monster. Sure I'm tired from working all day. Thing is I sits all day answering calls-sometimes I sits for a good thirty minutes at a time. It's a really good time to read blogs and play on the Internets all day. I really and truly am blessed to have such a great job that allows this. For some reason this sitting and surfing gets taxing and then I just want to sits at home all night and read more blogs and do Internet stuff.
Tonight was another one of those ..I just want to look at one more thing kind of moments and then I'll get the kids in bed. These little moments keep adding up and sure enough it's past time for bed and much less a bath. So the kids get neglected yet another night. Guilt monster loooovvveeess this. He eats it up and so the pain inside gets worse. Then the emotions start getting jarred up and as I'm in haste to get kids to bed, I start to get snappy and irritated. It's not the kids fault mom didn't get the ball rolling to get everyone started on bed routine, but they have to witness the guilt monster rear it's ugly head. Fear the wrath of the guilt monster!
I then come across good bloggy people lifting another blogger momma up in prayer as she has found out she possibly has cancer after going through a long painful ordeal with their daughter. I'm not sure if she had cancer to or some other illness just know that they were going through a hard time and then this. Guilt monster likes this too. So now I really feel horrid for being so horrid. How can I possibly be this way when others have it so worse. Then as if the guilt monster hasn't had enough I read another post from another blogger about her interesting story appearing in court over a ticket and witnessing the pain of a woman accused of prostitution but also had been raped.
All of this makes you just completely stop everything in your tracks and take another perspective. The kids are not going to "die" by simply not having a bath tonight. There will be other nights. Who cares if yeah they may be a little ripe from playing outside. They will be back outside tomorrow getting all nice and ripe again any way. So why? why? do I allow the Guilt Monster to take over? That I probably will never be able to answer. All I can do is take a deep breath, count my blessings a hundred times over, and hope for a better productive day.
Thank you bloggy world for allowing me to splatter my guilt monster feelings all over your already over filled bloggy Internets. Thank you less than 2 readers who read this blog and totally understand where I'm coming from. Thank you other bloggy moms who give me another perspective and remind me that my little piece of the world ain't all that bad after all. The guilt monster will be squelched for now, only to be risen another day.

If you have a small moment to think about the bloggy mom and her family having a difficult with their cancer scare. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

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