Sunday, July 22, 2007

I Nailed It..or it nailed me

Well just when the blog well goes dry, I step on a rusty roofing nail to give me something to blog about. No I didn't purposefully step on the nail, it just happened to happen at the perfect timing, when I couldn't possibly think of anything else to blog about. I knew you probably didn't want to hear anymore childhood memories.
I'm notorious for going outside barefooted. I live in the south and pretty much a redneck mama and well we just don't wear shoes round these parts. I was calling my youngest most stubbornest child inside so that he wouldn't get eaten alive with mosquito's when I literally stomped upon the nail. When I first stepped on it I cursed like a sailor and thought that had to have been the biggest dang sticker I ever stepped on. I raised my foot up to pull it out and saw the nasty ugly beast. I made a small attempt to pull it out and it wouldn't pull with out some form of extreme pain. That folks is when I became the biggest baby on the planet. Usually I have a fairly high pain tolerance, well to a degree and maybe with a little drugs but that doesn't count. I came hobbling in like a one legged rabbit yelling at the husband. He immediately grabbed his handy dandy first aid kit. The hubs loves this kit and feels we don't need no stinkin medical care, we got the Kit. He was going to pull out the nail, but I was not going to let him. I wussed out, it wasn't gonna happen. I knew I was definitely going to have to get a Tetanus shot anyway, so we loaded up the van and headed to the emergency room with nail still lodged in foot.

I had an interesting conversation with the kids on the way. Gameboy: "Mom at least it didn't go into your heart, cause that could kill you." Thanks son. Wonderboy: "Mom are you gonna die?"

I get wheeled into the 24 hour medical care center and have my nice wait since you know it's just a rusty nail and it's really not that urgent that toxins are filling into my bloodstream. The hubs decides I need some good reading material to keep my mind off things. He hands me the Readers Digest, on the cover is 10 Different Reasons Doctors Could Kill You. As he flips though it every other advertisement for some odd reason had pictures of feet on them and one with red fire ants crawling on them. I think he was really getting a kick out keeping me preoccupied.

I finally get wheeled in and everyone has to take a gander at my monstrous nail and get all freaked out about it. At this point it was getting uncomfortably painful. Now when a nail is in your foot is it really important to get a history of your menstrual cycle? I mean why does it really matter when I had it last and if I'm on birth control and whether I'm trying to have another kid. I have a freakin nail in foot for Pete's sake!

I finally get some X rays-which I thought was rather pointless..I just wanted them to numb it up pull it out, give me my shot, and send me on my merry way, but they want to be all thorough and crap. Now what could have been a $50 charge will be $150 because of the X-Rays. They make a killing on X-rays..I know been there done that. Dr. Dallas..yes that was his real name. Dr Dallas pulled that nail out easier than spelling cat in a spelling Bee. I think the shot to numb it hurt worse than anything.

Mr. Nurse dude came in to give me my tetanus shot and he asked me the most obvious "Here's you sign" question I've ever heard. He asked me "Did you get that nail stuck before you came here?" I wanted so badly to say "Nope, Ive been walking around like this for several days and just thought I'd stop by for a's your sign."

Now I'm home and my foot is still a little numb. Doc said it might be a little painful tonight and thoughtfully gave me some drugs. I don't think he gave me my drug of choice Vicaden but it will do. Of course I wont hear the end of it from the hubs about how big a baby I am and that all I got out of it was a little band aid and a shot. He felt I should have at least gotten some stitches out of the deal. He's all loving and caring like that. The kids seemed somewhat thrilled that I was alive and all. I think they were a little disappointed there wasn't more excitement out of it. Like mom in a really sweet cast or at least a gouging gaping bloody hole in my foot. I'll try harder next time boys..maybe go for the old nail in heart, cause I'm all about providing excitement and chaos for my family. I live to serve. No pain no gain.


Anonymous said...

glad that you are going to live!! Shiela did the same thing a few months ago. At least your loyal readers got a good laugh at your expence.

Lawanda said...

"Here's your Sign" indeed!! hahahahahaha

I hope your foot is feeling better and better! UGH what a thing to go through!!!


Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Geez, they do ask the most ridiculous, unnecessary questions!

Hope the foot is healing. I guess I'll start putting on shoes when I go outside.


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