Memories

I was traveling down memory lane today, going through old videos with an archaic video camera and was just amazed at really how much your kids change in just a short period of time. So I'm just going to dabble a little on that.
Most of the videos were of gameboy seeing as how he was the first. It's always the way isn't it? As you have one kid after the other the less of baby memories and stuff you have. There's my big baby doing nothing but looking at mama and her funny contraption wondering what is she doing? You can tell I'm just mezmerized by him as I just hold the camera there watching him, soaking him in, trying to hold on to the memory that is him. I get so nostalgic watching it. I honestly can't remember the specific times of videoing and what my state of mind was like. I do know that period of time was probably the most difficult time. The hubs was gone for months straight for his new job and there I was alone in a new city a new state, family and friends hundreds of miles away. I probably was also pregnant with Wonder boy and probably in total denial of my state of being. That time really was a blinding fog that I never thought I'd see through to the end. I just want to reach through the video and tell that poor 22 -23 year old mom that hey it's gonna be OK. Everything is gonna be ok.
Then as we moved along to other videos of Wonderboy when he was healthy and just barely learning to walk at 2. How far he had come from being so tiny, so frail. We just really didn't know when he was so tiny and having so many problems just living, if indeed he would live. How he showed us! Just seeing him crawl after his most favorite toy a carasoul that played music. How he would just spin and spin it to no end. It drove us so crazy, but in the same sense was a joyful noise compared to the O2 monitor that would literally keep us up all night with no end.
Sadly Bossyboys video only consisted of him being in my belly. This was a happier me. A baby we were excited to see. I was clear of most of my post partum depression/endless fog. I trully never thought I'd be able to have another baby with all the problems I had with the last two. I figured all the scar tissue and everything it just wouldn't happen. Oh but God had other plans for us. The greatest blessing ever. I got to finally enjoy my baby where as with the other two it couldn't happen due to the circumstances.
I enjoyed my trip down memory lane seeing the joy within the pain. The best part was sharing it with the boys. Them being able to see themseles at various stages. We added our last memory to one of the last of the tapes we had. Someday those memories will be no longer with us as the videos wear down and the player will no longer play. My biggest hope is that I can try to keep those memories engraved in my brain forever.